I Saw Azathoth

I was sent out on this mission an unknown time ago as most of the ships instruments went haywire and can‘t be fixed. Have certainly been out here for many decades including some hyper-sleep. The ship is not very big (I am the only human on board) it is British and has the most advanced electronic mind ever created in the reality of this universe – and that means the most advanced mind period, in this dimension. But it was designed to implode at birth down to the purpose built magnetic ring so small that even a gold particle would not be able to pass through, and it sends instructions up from there, sometimes before they are needed (that’s the trick), it spends most of the time playing chess against willingly entombed and stimulated snake or lizard minds, who are very good at it. The electronic mind of the ship is called Solar-Lottery and is on the very edge of the ultimate implosion of the last three triangles that are visible to Man. What lies beyond or what comes through is still only guessed at or from where or what, although some individuals see it far too much and with so much intensity that they are locked up as screaming, crying fools. And those who have never talked about it but have seen the abomination frowning into their bed sheets at night know not what they see in the dark.

We were sent out on this mission at the very end of the dying expansion of the stars.The council contrived this mission because they wanted a last search of the black sky in these critical times. I am to use my innitiative.

Most stars are gone to black dust and the British Empire helps and feeds what remains, and is ruled by King Walter XII. Earth was transported to this star two billion years ago. I was sent with the ship and its intelligence from that clean blue planet directed inwards, whatever inwards means.

I woke up one morning and went to the big window at the front of the ship and saw only the deepest and most utter blackness that must be so extensive that the unfathomable edges of it are likely and must be the same as a teachers fairy story in their simplicity and calmness, this being the only explanation to the ridiculousness of it as you listen and say “Ohhhh I see.” and fall asleep at nap time thinking of Chicken Licken and boiling foxes and magic porridge pots. But it was sometimes not good viewing for a man like me who is on the edge of horrendous panic attacks on, really, a continuous basis. This is not why I was chosen by the council though, as it is pretty standard. As I gratefully sit back in the hard backed chair I find my self muttering a verse from an old Earth song:

“At the hour of Doom when the moon is buried in darkness
Evil will rain down upon the wicked
Hell will be unleashed upon disbelievers
And the Earth shall be laid waste”

I eat some cashew nuts and then go into the exercise chamber and do twenty minutes on the hardest setting. This makes me sweat and I feel good. I then go into the TV room and put on the DVD of ‘Dr Shakamoto Goes to the Park 2‘. I plug it into the plug that sends the images to Solar-lottery and he sends up genuine laughter through the speakers during the show. As it ends and I put the disk away and the Solar-Lottery informs me urgently that something will be visible to the starboard side in approx nine minutes, so I walk quickly to the steering wheel. I swing us around manually, as one of the things that was broken, probably by that super massive neutron star we went close enough to some time back, was the auto steering and even Solar-Lottery’s steering capabilities. The screen is still black and so I sit back and wait with some apprehension to say the least.

Minutes later I blink and in the instant I re-open my eyes there is some kind of white dot through the screen. Silence has enveloped I notice. My first impressions are of hideous revulsion and a kind of lurking panic that makes me break out in the beginnings of a bad sweat. I try to allay these dizzy thoughts by moving my arms and looking upwards moving my eyes side to side but something is starting to pull me in from … out there! Then to my horror the remaining instruments go black and the only light then is from the thing through the screen of which I am all too aware, and also the small blue light to the side of me that with great thanks I see because it means that the ships electronic mind, Solar-Lottery, is still aware of what I see and think through the microchips in my arm. He will be working on a solution to the black out. I punch a few buttons but they are dead. Silence.

The thing on the screen in front of me is only a white dot that looks like it could be any other star, but this particular point of light to me is entirely loathsome. I find out why I have this impression now, and I will tell in the following sentences. Something behind me clicks as if an electrical current had gotten stuck, and this happens simultaneous to me having a particular thought of ultimate Doom (from the grim album that that song I sang was listed) The sound just heard I know was behind and above me but that is all I know of it. I now remember the H.P. visor (Hyper Projection) and pull it down from above and put it on. I watch outwards. The white dot on the screen suddenly grows much bigger, and in the expansion I see perfect triangular and other types of prisms expanding and complementing perfectly. The silence, which had been too complete, is broken by a faint roaring sound. I am now listening intensely and viewing the thing out there as surely as I sit in this foam chair. The sound out there had first occurred with the click behind me I realised but had grown louder and had then been detected by my ears all after that click had sounded – did not sound – will sound and echo for forever between my crazed ears. I continue in stark words; the thing out there is the original Evil, the blind idiot god Azathoth! His mind is more like a plants mind I observe than it is like an animal, or somewhere in-between perhaps. I am grim faced and lick my lips and close my eyes and listen to that noise again: it is a distant sound and is reminds me of a jet fighter plane (multiplied by a billion) taking off vertically, in other words you don’t mess with it, because it will destroy you within five seconds and the threat of it is solemn and humbling. But it is an eternal sound – it is the entire circular journey of the plane in one grim instant and suggests a radiation of some sort from the god. I open my eyes again and go further and suddenly focus/am connected to, a moment of sheer panic where I might have screamed in hysterics at the realization that the god’s mind is of a ringing nature that is at one point a hideous point of blind and horrendous vertigo panic that is unaware of which way is anywhere, is unaware of anything else that might be around it, that critically has no future and no past and came into being somehow BACKWARDS. And then I glimpse the other. The mind of the idiot god is also forever imploding inwards to an infinity of hell dreams. The hell of being in every conceivable torture getting so much worse at every instant that I take the visor off and throw it aside flinging myself to the floor, curling up and mumbling with my hands over my face sweating profusely and shivering.

But unknown to me Solar-Lottery had done something. He had been fixing the jettison pod and had had the robot arms put precisely in there a big block of ice water the day before – even Solar-Lottery, that advanced mind, later told me he did not know why he had done this, but he had. Now it was jettisoned and sped away towards the light that was still the same size out there if I had cared to look. The canister, precisely aimed, went into the light. The ice was then melted at the right instant by the (repaired) ships laser under instruction from Solar-Lottery. The water released was to Azathoth like a memory from the first instants of his existence, which was inversely never and now! The idiot mind focused in agonies indescribable on the new hope of the water as it washed slowly and peacefully, barely making a sound, over the event horizon of madness that was within. The water combined with the dodecahedron structure of the idiot god’s sleeping suffering and his inner mind awoke. And the hell of dreams were then expelled with the liquid in a vast explosion as dreams of reverse hellishness (heaven – paradise) and such paradise as is known also by the innocent and also the gibbering forgiven. The blind idiot god Azathoth thus remembered himself and opened his one eye in uncontrollable excitement and his incredible eye became thankful and primal and unmovable in his longing and undoubted power for peace for ALL THINGS in that instant. He saw in magnificence the grim flute playing star spawn as they writhed in thanks and their new freedoms playing simple tunes on their so called flutes. I was back in my seat and my heart was calming down.

Later I thought I should turn us away and accelerate as fast and far as possible before overheating of the normal engine set in, which would be about five hours, then slow down. After taking stock I could engage the hyper-speed engine and head for home in thankful hyper-sleep.

When I got back to Earth some decades later, I was greeted with laughing faces. Everyone was laughing and energetic with rosy faces and the sky was filled with types of colour and emotion that only dreams and glimpses into the corners of the mind had known previously, and the sun was renewed they told me and the dusts of space were energising and gathering in new gravities. They said the sea was teeming with vegetarian creatures so great in diversity that it would amaze me. It does.



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