Red Girl’s First Time for Everything

Why he, aged twenty one, one of the worlds shallowest, smallest men, chose to go there that day he did not know. Maybe it was the new slide that went vertically up at one section, or maybe…

It cost ten pounds to get into the serious ‘Extreme Water Park’ that day. He paid and got changed into his shorts. He soon found himself wandering around looking at all the attractions he remembered from years ago when he had gone there aged seven with his Mum and two brothers. He went on a couple of the extreme slides that began high above the buildings original roof and then sauntered around towards the arcade where many of the latest arcade games were – the only place in town that got the latest games, and there were many of them.

Suddenly he sensed something familiar behind him. Spinning around he sees a girl standing alone not far away staring straight at him. His eyes became wide and his mouth paralysed. He raised his thin fingers and rubbed them under his nose, sniffing. She stands there in never ending beauty beyond words, unmoving. Now they take a step forward towards each other and she says timidly yet confidently

“I came here every day since … You never turned up … but now you are here again…”
They walked towards each other even further then and he looks her up and down seeing bright red hair, perfect nose and slim yet full body. The two embrace and as he relaxes, his eyes become tired and peaceful, his head fills with the memory of her from years since.

They had met on that day long ago and found what they knew of then (pure fun.) But they had got lost in the half term crowds and his Mum had ordered the three brothers to get changed and meet at the front doors. Back then he had thought of red girl all the way home but not since then had thought of this bright red haired girl. He remembered her now though and never again would he forget he promised.

They feel like they are in a big warm bubble for a time. He thinks neither wants to move for fear of the bubble bursting … Then things start to go wrong

The world is full of big warm bubbles she (they?) think to herself. She sees the future clearly now and sees his heart in precise detail. She has no choices but her own. She smiles.

He wants to kiss her and grab her after the hug, he feels like a big boss man for a second, he, the little boy feels ready for her, he frowns. She frowns also – the bubble has floated out of his reach and she is the one who can burst it now, or make it descend back down to them.

They look at each other, he panics and suddenly notices a change in her appearance. Where there had been soft, bright red and flowing hair, now there was a clump of dry, dull, sickly and tightly curled hair on her head – surrounded by balding patches up both sides of her head! He wants out of there!


They had gone on a few slides after that. He watched her go down the slides and then followed like a male eagle descending to the nest after his more powerful mate, sad, yet it must be right. He watched her on the slides – legs spread and up in the air and he saw her how she might look in bed with a more adequate man, or sometimes he saw her how she might look in childbirth. He saw her lick a long ice-lolly, what was that in her eyes? No way to confirm anything. He saw her laugh at a small arcade stick on an arcade machine, yet still he followed and wanted to see what came next. She squirted him with a water gun as he swung skilfully yet somehow weakly and uncertain across some inflatable water lilies that you had to go across to get to the cafe, the water danced on his body, teasing him, telling him there was no escape. What kind of fun was she having he asked himself, try to be a man he told himself, make her actions good he thought he could. He frowned many times but felt drawn to her still – like he had no choice but ride out this terrible torpedo.

After they had got changed things continued to be wrong for him. Her next trick was to pretend that she did not know how to play pool and was rubbish at it once he had explained it to her several times. The thought, indeed the truth, that she could of course have easily have beaten him passed virtually unnoticed through his small skull and he did not know which was worse with her – this or that. He would look back at times and think “what a fool” but again would turn into said fool. He won the game of pool and she saw genuine pleasure with himself in his small features. She also saw disgust and desperation spread all over the place when he looked at her. The tip of her cue circled around in perfect circles in the air above them.

Lost, in her eternal maze.

He looked at her and had to blink and stare back towards her for now she was … ASIAN! And not a pretty Chinese or Japanese but Indian/Pakistani, and not a pretty version of those nationalities as he knew existed, had seen, but a nightmare hag! A moustache now adorned her alien and frightening face. Her chin was covered in boils. She very, very slowly rotated her face, keeping her eyes focussed on his and full of malice to reveal a nose so awful that he went mad then.

She remained silent, the whole building went silent. Her mouth opened very, very slowly and a partial set of black and green teeth were revealed. She darted forward at him so he could smell her foulness. He stepped back, looking from side to side in panic. Her eyes were full of glee. She leered down, down at him.

“I … I’ll … pay to have your teeth fixed,” was his pathetic response.


This went on and on for many years. They got married but had no children. One day she had thrown a load of his computer games out of the window in a fit of supernatural rage. He had raised his voice to her at this – the only time he ever did

“Super Mario World will live for a thousand years!” he cried.
She had gesticulated with her arms gracefully yet threateningly, moving them towards, towards herself again and again shouting

A look of devastation spread across his face at this and she had broken down sobbing, or was that laughing? Or both? at the foot of their bed. Yes both, he thought to himself with grim certainty.

Another time they had gone for a meal out at a Chinese restaurant. She had shape shifted into a huge gorilla like woman on this occasion and he sat in fear of her. Her unfathomable expressions seemed to reduce him even further still. Her arms were like tree trunks. But still he felt as he always did to some degree, that somewhere there was the girl he had met as a seven year old, one day she would approve of him again and that girl would return as an adult.

A Chinese waiter with tiny hands, even smaller than his customers already small hands came over to them and asked them if they were ready to order yet. Our main character had looked round taking in the waiter’s small hands and the waiter in turn saw his customer’s small hands. Their eyes met and a feeling of joy was shared between them – a feeling of joy in anticipation of paradise in heaven where lust is forgotten. However the gorilla woman had seen and felt this joy and now the two men looked round at … a slim, large breasted stunning blonde in a tiny bikini who with a wave of her hands and a movement of fingers brought their worlds crashing down.

Some nights he would hear in his sleep a distant and wonderful voice singing softly “There’s something going on … There’s something going on … There’s something going on…” – It was the red girl lying next to him having some moments of peace with the fun boy, the strong man she knew was next to her somewhere – where there was only friendship and laughter…


One day though, he had decided to go home for his dinner instead of eating in the office canteen – something he had never done before. They – husband and wife, were thirty-eight by this time. There was a big evergreen bush in the front garden of one of their neighbour’s houses and as he was passing this bush he saw through it an awful sight. He stopped dead as the scene unfolded in front of his agonised eyes. A very large handed and satisfied man was leaving the house of our main character and our main characters wife, who looked like a large breasted nurse, was shouting to this stranger from just inside the door

“See you tomorrow, my huge lover!”
He watched this mountain of a man walk away from him down the street. A peculiar yet all too familiar washed over him. Was it hatred? He heard his wife close their front door but his eyes did not move from the huge handed man who was now whistling a happy tune and the birds in the trees responded to him with what they both, the two men, heard as approval. At this time the world started to fade for the smaller of the two men as he suffered a massive stroke and collapsed onto the pavement.


For several decades he remained in a coma. Then one day his mind finally focussed on something, no, it focussed on someONE – a girl, but not his wife, (who was watching in on his dreams unknown to him) a girl he had once been boyfriend to. She went by the name of Silvia and he now felt great surprise and happiness at her being there. He wanted to be with her and he wanted her to wake him and be there waiting with the patience he remembered … however she now put her finger slowly to her lips and said to him “ … So don’t get any big ideas … They’re NOT gonna happen…” and at that she retreated back to herself where she sat with her cats in her idyllic country cottage miles away, glad she had finally been able to make herself clear but all the time fearing that he would wake and come looking for her, begging her, begging her to be with him. But at least he was fading…

His wife who was beside him, as she had been for many worried hours everyday since his coma began, took a deep breath in and let it out slowly feeling very afraid but also full of determined hope. And she also felt incredible strong feelings for the creature in the bed beside her. She knew it was almost time for him to wake up.

The next day he did wake up. He looked with his eyeballs immediately to his left where his wife sat. She had her beautiful and flowing fire red hair resting on her tired shoulders. She sat facing him directly. Her small, elderly fingers were made into a pyramid and she looked with her eyeballs, the rest of her motionless, down at them, down, down to the abyss.

Very, very slowly she got to her feet. He tried to move but he couldn’t. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t. He saw that she was old now, aged like old bark on an ancient tree, beyond wisdom. She inched towards him. Her face then turned slowly, slowly to reveal a nose which looked like a huge slab of spam, all pink and pitted with disease – and she said simply

“This … is for Duffy’s twin.”



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